If someone were to ask me how I was feeling at anytime during the past two to three weeks, my immediate and honest answer would be lost, frustrated, going in circles circles circles. To most who inquired, however, my answer was simply “good” or “well”. Those who knew me fairly well (or those who were observant of body language and vocal intonation) understood the unhappy truth my voice and eyes could not conceal.
Ask me how I feel today and I will tell you that I feel fantastic, and that is the verifiable truth. My life and way of thought have been fairly unbalanced up until this point, with my focus shifted mainly towards the present, the future and past taking a back seat. Having realized the lack of depth in my vision, I took the next step: ask for help.
Knowing when you don’t know is just as important as knowing.
The ability to plan for the future – to say “I am carrying out this action now, for some future benefit” – has been a tool that I have seldom used. For the longest time, I had deluded myself into thinking that goals were the same as plans. I know now that simply stating “I will save money now”, is not the same as “I will save $3,000 by December 1, 2009″.
Sad? Maybe, but I think you will find that a good number of people fail to make this distinction, which explains the large number of unhappy people who seemingly are in a ‘great situation’. At the very least, it certainly accounts for my present level of weariness (which isn’t so much as this writing might make it seem).
You know, a brother said something to me the other evening over spirits and food. He said something that lifted my soul more than the sweet potion I savored. He said the my voice is that of someone who has something to say that should be listened to; that I speak with the future in mind.
This may be true, it may not be. Perhaps I should have a bit more faith in not only my inentions, but my ability as well.