Going to the mountains today. I will be hiking the first mile or so of the Appalachian Trail and pitching camp for the weekend with two very close friends. Lost my job last week, and have been trying my best to not be scared silly by the fact that I now have no money and no job. I’ve found the best way is to simply keep designing, keep reading, and continuously pushing my mind to stay active. If there’s one thing I’ve realized about having a steady job that is easy (and that you are quite good at), it’s that I allow my brain to become inactive. I fall into a pattern of non-usage very easily that is quite difficult to get out of.
Keeping my focus wide, constantly pulling myself from the edge of depression, and “staying positive” has been one of the most difficult balancing acts I’ve had to learn yet. There is still the very real possibility that I won’t be able to pay rent, pay bills, buy food, or sustain any of the other modern inconveniences. But simultaneously, there are so many chances for good, beautiful things to happen that I’m trying my best to stay receptive.
Since I’ve had so much free time, I’ve been reading everything my eyes can take in. I’m currently on Using Your Brain for a Change by Richard Bandler. It was a gift from a friend, and I thank him silently every time I open the book. Add to that my recent discovery that the sounds of The Verve are so beautiful when listened to at a low volume. A Storm In Heaven has managed to quite the perfect storm roiling within, affording me a peace of mind I’ve not experienced in so long.
I’ve heard some recommend a 5.1 surround setup at high volume, with lots of marijuana, but I’m to broke for any of that right now.
I’ve found that my mind fills in the gaps just fine.
It is time for me to re-establish contact with the spirit world again. Working with someone whose primary motivator is monetary profit, physical gain, has left me bereft of the vital energies of the spirit. Arriving home from a long day spent at “work”, I haven’t the strength to open and maintain the connection, the Creation Gate, as I call it. The reserves are dwindling and I’m left with next to nothing to show for all of the energy expended.
Light is everywhere in my life right now, flooding my mind and my vision. From working on a farm – which utilizes light, primarily – to aid in the growth process of the plants being cultivated, to photography and painting with pastels, to my new name: Mahsamatman.
But what I’m realizing is that my name is more than just a name. It is an identity, a new persona for me to wear, a new part to play. I am the Lord of Light, the Great-Souled Sam. I bring light, knowledge and color to everyone to employ as they wish, so that they too may be lifted.
In so doing, I too become lighter. If I release you from the shackles binding you to this material world, we can fly together into boundless space and time.
Let’s go!
