lost and safe

One year later…

The all inspiring divine circle (circle of life, circular reeducation, etc…) is shining all it’s glory upon my life again.  It would seem that I have circled right back around to where I was a year ago, three years ago, or even five years ago.  Take your pick; it really doesn’t matter.  One of the most important things I’ve heard or read in recent memory is that “history doesn’t repeat, it rhymes”.

And it’s true…

My thoughts, my emotions, my actions and intent are traveling along wavelengths very similar to those preceding my meeting Erika.  That period in time was all about observing myself interact with others; assessing my honesty with myself and others, and working to more properly align intention and action.  The past year seems to have gone by like the hazy heat of the summer: tiring and oppressive at first, but then you realize how much you’ve gotten used to it when it is gone.  Erika was a major distraction, but one that taught me  an incredible amount about myself, and maybe even more importantly, about someone else.  On some vague, general sense, I could say that she taught me about “people” (you know, all people), but it wouldn’t be very accurate.  One lesson that I will never stop learning is that all “people” are different, and so too are your interactions with
them.  I’m tired of closing myself off; I’m tired of not being able to let go; I’m tired of not being honest; and most of all, I’m tired of being tired.

So here I am, one year later, still listening to Modest Mouse because it’s cold because the sunlight is weak, still learning to communicate effectively, still trying to be a better version of myself.  So please forgive me Erika.  I never meant to hurt you, I’ve only ever tried to love you.  I know it sounds condescending, but please know that after having met you, I’m a vastly different and better person.  No matter what, you still have my love.

May peace and justice come to rest upon the hearts, minds, lives and relationships of all who access this URL.


Filed under: Missives, ,

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